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Fairport-E.Rochester Post
  • Gary Brown: A look at the lighter side of summer holidays

  • The Memorial Day weekend may have taught us some things that we should not say, think, ask, answer, announce or assume when the Fourth of July and Labor Day holidays roll around.

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  • The Memorial Day weekend may have taught us some things that we should not say, think, ask, answer, announce or assume when the Fourth of July and Labor Day holidays roll around.
    “Can I play golf on the holiday? Sure! My family won’t mind ...”
    “Since when did we start giving people Memorial Day cards?”
    “I never knew we needed paper plates. I thought you said plastic cups.”
    “No, I didn’t pick up plastic silverware. When did you say anything about that?”
    “Not getting the foot-long hot dog buns shouldn’t count against me because I wasn’t the one who bought the foot-long hot dogs.”
    “You know, legally, I think I’m limited in the number of trips I can make to the store.”
    AT THE BARBECUE
    “There has to be propane in the tank. I had plenty the last time I grilled.”
    “Whatya mean, your father wants his burger medium-rare? He’s had me cook it well-done for 20 years. How do you suggest I un-char it?”
    “Who wants the one that fell on the ground?”
    “I read something on the Internet the other day about how grilled food can be as harmful to your health as cigarettes.”
    “I WAS watching the grill. I was only in watching the game on TV for an inning or two. And if I’d seen the flames, I would have come out here.”
    “You’re just standing here so you can tell me how you would grill, right? You’re not nice enough to actually pick up some tongs and do the grilling for me, are you?”
    “We’re flying a flag, Dad. We’ve got patriotic napkins. We watched a Memorial Day segment on public television this morning. Most of us are dressed in some combination of red, white and blue. Just because we’re cooking out today doesn’t mean we’ve ‘boiled the whole holiday down to a picnic.’”
    “Before I decide on whether to urge people to get seconds, how long has the potato salad been sitting out in the sun?”
    IN GENERAL
    “We’ve got to keep closer track of the kids, honey. I just counted, and we’ve got one more than we’re supposed to have in the backyard.”
    “Yeah, I could mow the grass today, but when a holiday falls on a Monday, doesn’t that whole ‘keep holy on the Sabbath’ thing carry over to keep a guy from working the whole weekend?”
    “Trust me, Munchkin, one of the ways we celebrate the true meaning of Memorial Day is that a kid, you, has to go get Daddy, me, another glass of iced tea. Ask Mommy when you get in there. She’ll tell you.”
    Page 2 of 2 - “The Indianapolis 500 was Sunday? I missed it? Why would they hold a Memorial Day tradition on the day before Memorial Day?”
    “The top of your head isn’t a lobster red as much as sort of a sports-car red.”
    “I called in sick the day before the three-day weekend. If I call in sick the day after the three-day weekend, won’t they figure I’m just still sick? I’m really not feeling too good now ...”
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